Saturday, November 14, 2009

"Fanfiction" for lack of a better term

Background: My friends at UT and I were talking about what it would be like if our life was a tv show. This is a "script" of our "unscripted" show. Inserted is a purposefully bad Star Trek fanfic, inspired by my recent outburst of McCoy fantasies during lecture. :/ Enjoy? (Feedback...well, if you wish).
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SLUT: The Sexual (and the Less so) of The University of Tampa
A nonspecific episode in the First Season

[Opening Theme- “Jizz in my Pants” by The Lonely Island”]
[The minarets of Plant Hall, pans to Plant Park and the “fire sticks.” 5 girls sit chatting.
Lyza, a tall fair Writing major with short, curly red hair.
Nichole, a natural ginger with more moderate proportions.
Kiy, a tan, dark-haired artist of mid height with emotional brown eyes.
Scarlet, a short, timid writing major with bird-like features.
And Riley, a feisty blonde with gray eyes and a little too much energy.]
RILEY: (narrating) Hey, I’m Riley. I’m a freshmen writing major here at The University of Tampa in balmy Florida- and I fuck everything.
I’ll just let that sink in…
You good? Okay, I’ll proceed. This is me. (Focuses on Riley) I live on the 7th Floor of Vaughn with a terminally absent roommate, Jenna. My sexuality is complicated: okay, not really, I’m basically attracted to anyone with two legs and something in between. But enough about me.
(Pans to Lyza) This is Lyza. She’s a soft-spoken sophomore with a fetish for Indian boys. Let’s just say the university’s supply hasn’t disappointed her. She writes, too, and it’s always easy to make her laugh. I think we like that about her.
(Pans to Nichole) And Nichole. I met her on the freshmen trip to Busch Gardens. She’s a bio major and, more importantly, a lesbian. The sexuality of our groups of friends is varied, and shapes how we interact. In a good way. Her girlfriend is Morgan.
(Pans to Kiy) And this is Kiy, also a lesbian. Her girlfriend, Re, visits a lot, so you’ll see her soon. Kiy is super artistic and spastic. She is also the last person to stifle her opinion, and she always makes us laugh, even when we’re debating.
(Pans to Scarlet) And finally, Scarlet. Being fellow writing majors, we clung together in the sea of psychology and business majors, we being few and far between. She’s tiny and timid (and Catholic) but I think hanging out with us is starting to get to her.
SCARLET: Well, my nipple color kind of varies, you know? (Everyone nods in agreement)
RILEY: Well, our nipples are pretty tiny since we have such small boobs.
KIY: But…I like tiny boobs.
RILEY: (beams)
NICHOLE: I think we should get to class. (Everyone grudgingly agrees)
RILEY: (narrating again) Nichole has always been the voice of reason in our group. When some of us want to stay out late and waste time, she reminds us that we should study. And we appreciate that.
About classes…
[Scene change: Lyza in class. She stares through the lecturing professor, eyes glazed.
Scene change: Nichole in class, mirroring Lyza’s face.
Scene change: Riley, appearing enraptured. She gazes at the professor intently]
RILEY: (still narrating) I bet I look really focused, right? Well, not quite.
[Scene change: Riley’s imagination. Star Trek: The Motion Picture (2009)]

The U.S.S. Enterprise. Doctor Leonard McCoy (a.k.a. “Bones”) sat in a rotating chair, listening to his stomach through a stethoscope. Sweat pooled on his brow as the ships central air was malfunctioning.
“Need some entertainment?” Whirling around, his stethoscope flying, Bones turned towards the intruder- Riley Cavinah, a cadet who had been picked up recently to replace a fallen crew member. She was rebellious and had so started on the wrong foot with not only Captain James T. Kirk, but Commander Spock and his current fling, Communications Officer Nyota Uhura. At least Scotty seemed to like her.
“Can I help you?” Bones stammered. He stood up, straightening his uniform, which had become crumpled in his state of boredom and near-slumber. In comparison, she seemed a step below unprofessional. One pant leg was un-tucked from her boot, her jacket was no where to be seen, and there were grease stains on her undershirt. Her blonde hair was tied back in a messy bun. “I see you’ve been assisting Chief Engineer Scott.”
“Oh, let’s set aside the formal talk, huh?” she replied, smirking. “I’m avoiding Kirk and thought, since you’re never busy, maybe we could entertain each other.” She reached sensually behind him, her face coming dangerously close to his.
“Uhm... Cadet, I… Riley, I… This-“ She produced a pack of cards that had been sitting on his desk behind him.
“Blackjack?” She cocked an eye brow and he felt a jerk in his stomach.
“Sure.” He stuttered a little, wiping his brow as she pulled up a chair and a tray. She began dealing cards, her motions deft and fluid.
“Shall I start?” He realized he’d been staring at her hands. It wasn’t the worst thing that he could have been caught doing, he considered, nodding.

She won the first two games, and soon they were both covered in sweat. Bones fiddled at the button on the collar of his jacket, feeling the coarse material stick to his throat. Riley giggled flirtatiously.
“You can take off your jacket, no one’s around. As far as I know, Kirk is busy yelling at Scotty… I think that’s why he let me off. Didn’t want him to turn on me.” All the while she spoke, Bones still nervously fiddled with that button. “Here,” she purred, standing and pushing the tray aside,” Let me get that.”
With more strength than he thought she had, she pulled him up by the collar and planted a forceful kiss on his shock-parted lips. As if he’d expected the whole thing, his hands fell upon her, pulling the hem of her undershirt free of her pants.
“Oh, Leonard,” she moaned into his mouth.”
“Oh, Miss Hudson.” His voice changed, taking on the timber of a small, Indian woman. She pulled away shocked. “Explain to the class why biodiversity in the tropical rainforests is important.”

[Scene change- Riley in Environmental Science class, Professor Hulath is tapping her foot expectantly]
RILEY: Err… Klingons?

[End Scene]

Monday, August 17, 2009

I Constantly Thank God for Les Paul

I know I'm not gonna' be that far from home, but I'm still terrified of going off to school... Yep, that's it, but I haven't posted anything in 2 years, so.

Yeah.

Deal with it,
Robin-Beth xx